I wear anywhere from XL-2X!
I am in the midst of putting together a college amazon wish list and will try to have it posted by tomorrow. Thank you for asking~
Just to be clear, I take “likes” on my sad posts as support and always always appreciate everyone’s comments you have a been very supportive and I thank you a lot.
I want to be hard and impenetrable
I want to be soft and fragile and loved
I want to be kind
I want to be respected
I want everything and I want it right now
I want nothing and I want to want to want nothing
I want to be unfeeling
I want to appreciate all of the feelings that run through my head like a river
I want support and nurturing
I want aloneness and silence
To know me is to suffer, I am the epitome of painful emotions.
My mother only loved me when I was small and normal appearing on the outside, and she could show me off and treat me like a real life doll. She can’t handle that I’m not a doll, that I have my own life and thoughts and now she neglects me or treats me like shit. She doesn’t really feed me and I have to swallow my pride and ask my grandparents for things weekly: food, new shoes, clothes, school supplies. This has been happening for years and years. I am so shaped by her abuse that I don’t feel like a person, I feel like an entity or vessel full of or entirely composed of suffering who attracts suffering at all times and brings suffering to others just by virtue of them existing around me.
ALSO someone ELSES mom is messaging me on Facebook and supporting me and I wish she would adopt me. I wish I could detach from the reality that is my mother and go back and have a normal childhood and a mother who loves me.